Are you Listening?

Listening is not just hearing what the other party in the conversation has to say. It means taking a vigorous, human interest in what is being told to us.

We love to speak, share our views and try our best to leave an imprint on others. The need to talk and share our views, come from a belief that “We know.” We believe that we have answers to people’s problems and can positively influence them in some way. Although, there’s a good intention of helping someone in pain; the feeling of ‘We know’ at its core is arrogant, boasting and egoistic. It gives superiority complex that makes us believe, that we have some special powers over others and have all rights to advise them. As a result, we speak, express and try to influence others with our advice and opinion.

While talking and expressing is more outward, dominant and active energy; listening is more inward, feminine and passive energy. Generally, we focus too much on our communication skills and often ignore the inward journey of listening.

Most of us think that we listen. In reality, we hear which is an inactive form of listening. Hearing is shallow and superficial while listening is more deep, conscious, open, and requires the presence of mind. It requires us to be more acceptable, mindful, and non-judgemental in our approach.
Most of the times we hear and so, wander off easily, missing the important details of the discussion. Our over engrossment in the notions, emotions, assumptions, stress, and thoughts, are some of the major barriers to active listening.

Also, I believe that one of the major reasons, we don’t listen is because we desperately want to share our views. We want others to finish off quickly so that, we get a chance to showcase our depth and knowledge. It’s like we waiting backstage for our performance and are restless for our turn to be on the stage. In this situation, we never focus on the artist performing and are just anxious for our turn to perform.

Some of my observations over the years on the quality of listening –

• When it comes to gossip some of us not only listen attentively but with extra curiosity.
• Judgemental people while imposing allegations tend to hardly listen to explanations i.e the other side of the story because in their minds they have already declared you, as a culprit.
• Stressful situations, deadlines, extra emotions, lack of sleep, badly affect our listening skills as they make us less mindful and decrease our receptiveness.

Listening is an art, some people like introverts and the quieter ones are naturally good at it. But some need to consciously work upon it before it becomes their second nature.

The art of listening is a deep and extensive topic that requires more insights and coverage, will try to publish a complete article post on it. Till then, I want you all to value the nurturing nature of ‘The listeners’ you have in your lives and try to imbibe qualitative listening in your daily chit-chats with people close to you. Also, notice and identify the barriers that do not allow you to listen well in any conversation.

Are you a listener or a hearer? Do you think listening can resolve many of our psychological problems? Do you feel the need for ‘The listener’ in your life? Do you value and respect people who listen to you profoundly?

Food for thought! Think it, Feel it & Live it.

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” – Stephen R. Covey